Showing posts with label Understanding Women. Show all posts
3 years ago
Shadow, Shadow Everywhere!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Scenario: My girl is always around. She wants to be with me every spare minute and when we're not together she's calling and texting. She even calls my family and friends looking for me. Is it that she doesn't trust me or is she just clingy?
Response: It could be either of those reasons. Could be a bit of both. Some people are very clingy and they mistake this for love. It is fine to want to spend time with your loved one but not too much time. And there is indeed such as a thing as too much time!
If you spend every waking hour with your love, what on earth will have to talk about? We all need our personal space and time to spend with others. Which is great because it leaves something to talk about when you reconnect for lunch, dinner or whatever date you have planned.
Or, as you asked, she may not trust you. The reason can vary. She may feel you've given her reason to be suspicious of your whereabouts and activities. Or it may be a trust issue she has because of some past relationship gone wrong. This is something only you can figure out. Talking to her is a great way to start.
If it is pure fascination and she is clingy you need to make her understand that while you care for her and love the time you have together, you also need your personal time. As well as she does. You both need to maintain a portion of the lives you had before your relationship started. You need to have your own interests and thoughts. Try easing her into it, making a set day each week where it's guys night & girls night so you both are busy with your own friends.
If it is a trust issue because a past relationship, you need to express that you are not the person from her past and should not pay for his mistakes. Though it may be hard, she needs to let that go so you can start with a clean slate. I fully believe that without some level of trust there can be no relationship of value. She needs to allow you to earn her trust by giving you freedom and dealing with betrayal if it occurs. We have to realize that monitoring someones every move is not going to prevent them from wrong doing.
If you've given her a reason not to trust you, then that is on you. Such as prior cheating or lying. You have to rebuild that trust and redeem yourself. You lost her trust, yet you remained in the relationship. Therefore you have to deal with how she chooses to react to your betrayal. If you cannot deal with her lack of trust in you then maybe your mistake is also your loss. Because you should not stay in the relationship if you cannot withstand the repercussions that follow your actions. She is entitled to her feelings at this point and if you truly do not want to lose her, you need to just deal with it for now.
Another reason you may not have thought about is lack of a social circle. Does your girlfriend have her own friend and hobbies? If she does not have many friends or have activities her main focus will be you, after all you would be just about the only connection she has. Try to get her into activities that allow her to interact with others. Maybe she can take some credit or non-credit classes at a local school or join clubs/causes that interest her.
Also, maybe it is a sign that she feels neglected. If someone does not feel you spend an adequate amount of time with them, they may constantly try to get your attention. If they do not get that attention they will take it as you being careless about them and the relationship. They may eventually give up on the relationship.
Whatever the reason for her lack of trust or clingy nature you must make it clear that it is not okay to harass your family or friends regarding your whereabouts. If there is not an emergency, this is just not acceptable.
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Response: It could be either of those reasons. Could be a bit of both. Some people are very clingy and they mistake this for love. It is fine to want to spend time with your loved one but not too much time. And there is indeed such as a thing as too much time!
If you spend every waking hour with your love, what on earth will have to talk about? We all need our personal space and time to spend with others. Which is great because it leaves something to talk about when you reconnect for lunch, dinner or whatever date you have planned.
Or, as you asked, she may not trust you. The reason can vary. She may feel you've given her reason to be suspicious of your whereabouts and activities. Or it may be a trust issue she has because of some past relationship gone wrong. This is something only you can figure out. Talking to her is a great way to start.
If it is pure fascination and she is clingy you need to make her understand that while you care for her and love the time you have together, you also need your personal time. As well as she does. You both need to maintain a portion of the lives you had before your relationship started. You need to have your own interests and thoughts. Try easing her into it, making a set day each week where it's guys night & girls night so you both are busy with your own friends.
If it is a trust issue because a past relationship, you need to express that you are not the person from her past and should not pay for his mistakes. Though it may be hard, she needs to let that go so you can start with a clean slate. I fully believe that without some level of trust there can be no relationship of value. She needs to allow you to earn her trust by giving you freedom and dealing with betrayal if it occurs. We have to realize that monitoring someones every move is not going to prevent them from wrong doing.
If you've given her a reason not to trust you, then that is on you. Such as prior cheating or lying. You have to rebuild that trust and redeem yourself. You lost her trust, yet you remained in the relationship. Therefore you have to deal with how she chooses to react to your betrayal. If you cannot deal with her lack of trust in you then maybe your mistake is also your loss. Because you should not stay in the relationship if you cannot withstand the repercussions that follow your actions. She is entitled to her feelings at this point and if you truly do not want to lose her, you need to just deal with it for now.
Another reason you may not have thought about is lack of a social circle. Does your girlfriend have her own friend and hobbies? If she does not have many friends or have activities her main focus will be you, after all you would be just about the only connection she has. Try to get her into activities that allow her to interact with others. Maybe she can take some credit or non-credit classes at a local school or join clubs/causes that interest her.
Also, maybe it is a sign that she feels neglected. If someone does not feel you spend an adequate amount of time with them, they may constantly try to get your attention. If they do not get that attention they will take it as you being careless about them and the relationship. They may eventually give up on the relationship.
Whatever the reason for her lack of trust or clingy nature you must make it clear that it is not okay to harass your family or friends regarding your whereabouts. If there is not an emergency, this is just not acceptable.
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Not My Style
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Scenario: My boyfriend buys me the most ridiculous clothes! He knows I don't wear tight clothes. I don't feel good in them with my body type right now. I don't know what to say without making him mad.
Response: Most men do not know how to shop for female clothing. They do not realize that it is not as easy as picking a size and running to the register. Women are picky and with good reason! A size small at one store may run big or small at another and we all have different curves. This is why you find women using fitting rooms more than men. I'm going to give a few suggestions for your problem, but first let's address your man's gifting habit.
It is true that sometimes men selfishly buy clothing because they want to see you in it, not realizing we are not all celebrities with personal trainers to sculpt us into what some insane person suggested is the perfect body. Other times the man truly just lacks style. However, sometimes a man buys what we may find unflattering because he truly believes we are beautiful enough to pull it off. If this is the case in your situation, you should feel wonderful that your man feels this way about you.
Now, here are a 5 quick suggestions for this problem:
1. Gift card! I am a huge lover of gift cards because you can purchase what you like! It takes out all the guess work. So gently express to your guy that you love gift cards and why.
2. Start shopping together. Once he shops with you a few times, he will start to pick up on your taste and how you determine your sizing, etc.
3. Accessorize! So you don't like the tight dress he gave you? Well, try to glam it up in your own style. Find a cute jacket or sweater to go with it or add something from your current wardrobe that makes you feel comfortable.
4. Strongly hint of other non-clothing items you like. When a commercial airs for a digital camera you like say "Baby I LOVE that camera, it would be great to have one!" and do the same for items you see in stores. Really make it clear that you absolutely love and want these items. He will remember!
5. Wishlist! If your favorite store sells online, they most likely have a wishlist function. Wishlists let you save your favorite items, along with size & color, for later purchase. You can email the list to others to share or print them. Make a wishlist and let him know about it. When he wants to purchase something for you, he simply clicks add to cart and checkout! My guy and I use wishlists and it is great! It makes it so much easier for him to purchase clothing he knows I will love because I picked them out. Give it a try!
If all fails and you continue to receive clothing items you do not like, just let it be. Be appreciative that he is loving and considerate enough to provide a gift at all. After all, it means he was thinking of you and there is no better gift than that!
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Response: Most men do not know how to shop for female clothing. They do not realize that it is not as easy as picking a size and running to the register. Women are picky and with good reason! A size small at one store may run big or small at another and we all have different curves. This is why you find women using fitting rooms more than men. I'm going to give a few suggestions for your problem, but first let's address your man's gifting habit.
It is true that sometimes men selfishly buy clothing because they want to see you in it, not realizing we are not all celebrities with personal trainers to sculpt us into what some insane person suggested is the perfect body. Other times the man truly just lacks style. However, sometimes a man buys what we may find unflattering because he truly believes we are beautiful enough to pull it off. If this is the case in your situation, you should feel wonderful that your man feels this way about you.
Now, here are a 5 quick suggestions for this problem:
1. Gift card! I am a huge lover of gift cards because you can purchase what you like! It takes out all the guess work. So gently express to your guy that you love gift cards and why.
2. Start shopping together. Once he shops with you a few times, he will start to pick up on your taste and how you determine your sizing, etc.
3. Accessorize! So you don't like the tight dress he gave you? Well, try to glam it up in your own style. Find a cute jacket or sweater to go with it or add something from your current wardrobe that makes you feel comfortable.
4. Strongly hint of other non-clothing items you like. When a commercial airs for a digital camera you like say "Baby I LOVE that camera, it would be great to have one!" and do the same for items you see in stores. Really make it clear that you absolutely love and want these items. He will remember!
5. Wishlist! If your favorite store sells online, they most likely have a wishlist function. Wishlists let you save your favorite items, along with size & color, for later purchase. You can email the list to others to share or print them. Make a wishlist and let him know about it. When he wants to purchase something for you, he simply clicks add to cart and checkout! My guy and I use wishlists and it is great! It makes it so much easier for him to purchase clothing he knows I will love because I picked them out. Give it a try!
If all fails and you continue to receive clothing items you do not like, just let it be. Be appreciative that he is loving and considerate enough to provide a gift at all. After all, it means he was thinking of you and there is no better gift than that!
Read More...
Love at First Sight...or Lust?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Scenario: Do you believe in love at first site? I've been seeing this girl for like 3 weeks, I told her I love her and she didn't believe me.
Response: I personally cannot say I believe in love at first site. I do however believe there can be attraction and very strong chemistry between two people who have just met. But everyone is different, it really depends on the people involved. I'm going to get into reasons why this girl may not believe you love but first let's address love.
You need to understand that there are different types and levels of love. There is love for family, which levels can be different for your parents, siblings, extended family and your children. There is friendly love, where you love others but not romantically. There is romantic love, however just because you love your significant other does not mean you are in love with them. We've all probably heard the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line at least once in life. We hate it but it is truly how the person saying it feels.
Do you truly believe that you love this woman after 3 weeks of knowing her? Do you know about her to love her? Everything seems perfect in the beginning of any relationship but as time goes by you get to learn more about the person. If in 2 months you discover that she is not perfect are you going to dump her? Do you know her likes and dislikes, personal or family values, goals and dreams? Have you found all her little habits that annoy you? Believe me they will come!
If you do not take the time to know someone beyond the general date talk then you cannot possibly love the person. You love her laugh, smile, hair, eyes, and lips. You have some common interests. This is not love. It is lust, fondness or a plain old crush. Those feelings are easily confused with love. Anyway, let's get to some reasons she may not believe you love her at this point.
1. Why? Before you let your mouth form the words "I love you" you need to know your reasons for loving this person. She may be wondering why you love her so early in the relationship. What are you basing this love on? Being nice, funny and attractive for a few weeks is not enough.
2. Player! She may take your early declaration of love as a play boy move. Thoughts would be that you use the love line for all the girls to wrap them around your play boy finger.
3. Chemistry. You are attracted to each but have you connected on a deeper level yet? You have fun together but have you had real conversations about your past, present and future?
4. Emotional mess. Usually women are the first to say those words. Men do not usually express themselves so soon. So doing this usually signals us to think you may have some emotional baggage that makes you feel desperate for someone to love.
5. Definition. She may think that someone who loves her after a few movie and dinner date does not know what love is.
There are many things that could be going through her mind. But most importantly, just because you tell her you love her does not mean she feels the love. Also, she may say she doesn't believe you so the subject can be dropped. This is because she may not feel that way about you at this time. Timing is very important in relationships and you must try not to come on too strong. Let the relationship play itself out, pay attention to her vibes and you will know when the time is right for everything. Read More...
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Response: I personally cannot say I believe in love at first site. I do however believe there can be attraction and very strong chemistry between two people who have just met. But everyone is different, it really depends on the people involved. I'm going to get into reasons why this girl may not believe you love but first let's address love.
You need to understand that there are different types and levels of love. There is love for family, which levels can be different for your parents, siblings, extended family and your children. There is friendly love, where you love others but not romantically. There is romantic love, however just because you love your significant other does not mean you are in love with them. We've all probably heard the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line at least once in life. We hate it but it is truly how the person saying it feels.
Do you truly believe that you love this woman after 3 weeks of knowing her? Do you know about her to love her? Everything seems perfect in the beginning of any relationship but as time goes by you get to learn more about the person. If in 2 months you discover that she is not perfect are you going to dump her? Do you know her likes and dislikes, personal or family values, goals and dreams? Have you found all her little habits that annoy you? Believe me they will come!
If you do not take the time to know someone beyond the general date talk then you cannot possibly love the person. You love her laugh, smile, hair, eyes, and lips. You have some common interests. This is not love. It is lust, fondness or a plain old crush. Those feelings are easily confused with love. Anyway, let's get to some reasons she may not believe you love her at this point.
1. Why? Before you let your mouth form the words "I love you" you need to know your reasons for loving this person. She may be wondering why you love her so early in the relationship. What are you basing this love on? Being nice, funny and attractive for a few weeks is not enough.
2. Player! She may take your early declaration of love as a play boy move. Thoughts would be that you use the love line for all the girls to wrap them around your play boy finger.
3. Chemistry. You are attracted to each but have you connected on a deeper level yet? You have fun together but have you had real conversations about your past, present and future?
4. Emotional mess. Usually women are the first to say those words. Men do not usually express themselves so soon. So doing this usually signals us to think you may have some emotional baggage that makes you feel desperate for someone to love.
5. Definition. She may think that someone who loves her after a few movie and dinner date does not know what love is.
There are many things that could be going through her mind. But most importantly, just because you tell her you love her does not mean she feels the love. Also, she may say she doesn't believe you so the subject can be dropped. This is because she may not feel that way about you at this time. Timing is very important in relationships and you must try not to come on too strong. Let the relationship play itself out, pay attention to her vibes and you will know when the time is right for everything. Read More...
There's A Meeting In The Ladies Room
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Scenario: I was on a double date last week. Everything went great but in the middle of lunch one of the girls says she had to use the bathroom. Then my date just got up and went with her. Why do women always go to the bathroom together? What do you do in there?
Response: There are top secret parties in the ladies room, I am talking V.I.P. here! Okay, seriously there are many reasons women often excuse themselves in groups and head to the ladies room. Here are some possibilities:
1. To go potty! Wow, women actually go to the ladies room to use the toilet. What a concept!
2. Mirror, mirror on the wall...maybe to check our hair, touch up makeup or see if we have food in our teeth.
3. Hygiene. Some people really like to make their dentists proud and at least rinse, if not brush after meals.
4. Strength in numbers! With all the crazies out there do you really blame us for traveling in pairs?
5. To guard the door. The ladies room is not always what you imagine, tons of them a disgusting. There are times when the stall doors are broken and you need a friend to hold it closed and make sure no one interrupts while we do our business!
6. Purse holder! Again, gross bathrooms with no place to hang our purses. It is so not going on the floor!
7. Odd silence. If it's a first or second date, we do not want to be the only woman sitting at the table with the two new guys we do not really know unless we are comfortable. Especially laid back or shy women. Talk about an awkward moment!
8. Plotting how to ditch you. Ouch! I know that's a tough one, but sometimes it is true. Only if it is a really bad date or the chemistry just isn't there. We may plan a way to easily let you down and immediately end the torturous date or kill the "date vibe" to maintain a chance at friendship.
We do not always go to the restroom in packs, it all depends on the moment. Read More...
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Response: There are top secret parties in the ladies room, I am talking V.I.P. here! Okay, seriously there are many reasons women often excuse themselves in groups and head to the ladies room. Here are some possibilities:
1. To go potty! Wow, women actually go to the ladies room to use the toilet. What a concept!
2. Mirror, mirror on the wall...maybe to check our hair, touch up makeup or see if we have food in our teeth.
3. Hygiene. Some people really like to make their dentists proud and at least rinse, if not brush after meals.
4. Strength in numbers! With all the crazies out there do you really blame us for traveling in pairs?
5. To guard the door. The ladies room is not always what you imagine, tons of them a disgusting. There are times when the stall doors are broken and you need a friend to hold it closed and make sure no one interrupts while we do our business!
6. Purse holder! Again, gross bathrooms with no place to hang our purses. It is so not going on the floor!
7. Odd silence. If it's a first or second date, we do not want to be the only woman sitting at the table with the two new guys we do not really know unless we are comfortable. Especially laid back or shy women. Talk about an awkward moment!
8. Plotting how to ditch you. Ouch! I know that's a tough one, but sometimes it is true. Only if it is a really bad date or the chemistry just isn't there. We may plan a way to easily let you down and immediately end the torturous date or kill the "date vibe" to maintain a chance at friendship.
We do not always go to the restroom in packs, it all depends on the moment. Read More...
