Showing posts with label Betrayel. Show all posts
3 years ago
Old Skeletons
Monday, February 9, 2009
Scenario: My ex and I split about 2 years ago but are still friends. Really our friendship is stronger than our relationship ever was! I ran into a friend of his who hinted that he cheated while we were together. Should I ask him if he ever cheated?
Response: Well there are two separate issues to explore here. First you need to examine why your ex's friend would out him like that. Surely he knows you two still speak. So that would immediately make me wonder what his motive was for putting this suspicion in your head.
He may have genuinely wanted you to know or carelessly let it slip out. But he may just be an instigator or have a crush on you. Think about the motive and then ask yourself if you can trust this person.
Now, as far as asking your ex if he cheated, I personally would not bother unless their is a question of your health (i.e. you had unprotected sex). You have to look at the big picture here. You say your friendship is better than ever, why take a chance ruining that? It is rare that relationships end with friendship. Asking this question may or may not end your friendship but it most likely will damage it to some extent because you will be showing a lack of trust and some insecurity.
You need to ask yourself a few questions. If he admits cheating will it change the friendship on your part? Would you be upset even though you are no longer together? Will knowing mistakes from the past affect your life or feelings now? If the answers to those questions are no, then ask yourself this: why on earth would the answer matter? If it is not going to affect anything now then there is no point in dredging up the past.
Now as I said, I would not bother unless I was worried for a health reason. In which point the best bet is to simply go get a check up for all STD's if you have not done so since your breakup. If something turns up, then yes, address the issue with him. Because at that point he needs to know about the health concern as well as notify anyone he may have been intimate with. But unless this is the case, I would let it go. Breakups are hard enough, why bring back pain and/or drama when you are at such a good point?
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Response: Well there are two separate issues to explore here. First you need to examine why your ex's friend would out him like that. Surely he knows you two still speak. So that would immediately make me wonder what his motive was for putting this suspicion in your head.
He may have genuinely wanted you to know or carelessly let it slip out. But he may just be an instigator or have a crush on you. Think about the motive and then ask yourself if you can trust this person.
Now, as far as asking your ex if he cheated, I personally would not bother unless their is a question of your health (i.e. you had unprotected sex). You have to look at the big picture here. You say your friendship is better than ever, why take a chance ruining that? It is rare that relationships end with friendship. Asking this question may or may not end your friendship but it most likely will damage it to some extent because you will be showing a lack of trust and some insecurity.
You need to ask yourself a few questions. If he admits cheating will it change the friendship on your part? Would you be upset even though you are no longer together? Will knowing mistakes from the past affect your life or feelings now? If the answers to those questions are no, then ask yourself this: why on earth would the answer matter? If it is not going to affect anything now then there is no point in dredging up the past.
Now as I said, I would not bother unless I was worried for a health reason. In which point the best bet is to simply go get a check up for all STD's if you have not done so since your breakup. If something turns up, then yes, address the issue with him. Because at that point he needs to know about the health concern as well as notify anyone he may have been intimate with. But unless this is the case, I would let it go. Breakups are hard enough, why bring back pain and/or drama when you are at such a good point?
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That's My Ex, Get Your Own!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Scenario: My friend is trying to hook up with my ex, she told me they've already went out a few times. I was with him for 4 years until he cheated and broke my heart. She was there for me through it all and I can't believe she would do this to me! What kind of friend is that?
Response: The kind of friend that is, is one that cannot be trusted! We all know there is an unwritten rule amongst friends: The ex is off limits! We should not go after someone a friend was previously involved with. It can lead to so much unnecessary drama. People need to think about whether it is worth risking friendship to pursue a relationship that may not even last.
Another point is that your friend was wrong to date your ex without even discussing it with you before hand. If she was going to break the friend code she should have at least had the respect to give you a heads up and get your input. Your feelings were not considered in this situation. She knew how badly you were hurt by this guy and to choose to date a known cheater over maintaining a friendship is simply foolish.
You need to decide if this is the type of friend you really need in your life. If you decide to keep the friendship going, you may want to keep a close eye on her intentions in the future. Most likely you will always have a trust issue with her from this point on. When your next boyfriend comes along, you will always wonder if she likes him more than she should or if she will go after him as well.
I personally feel that someone with such disregard for your feelings is not a true friend. If I were in your situation, I would consider this person a waste of space in my friend circle. I prefer to cut drama out off as soon as I see the sign that it is on the way and in your situation there is definitely potential for drama. However, everyone feels differently. So if you decide to continue with this person if your life, take my advice and keep your eyes wide open until she earns your trust back.
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Response: The kind of friend that is, is one that cannot be trusted! We all know there is an unwritten rule amongst friends: The ex is off limits! We should not go after someone a friend was previously involved with. It can lead to so much unnecessary drama. People need to think about whether it is worth risking friendship to pursue a relationship that may not even last.
Another point is that your friend was wrong to date your ex without even discussing it with you before hand. If she was going to break the friend code she should have at least had the respect to give you a heads up and get your input. Your feelings were not considered in this situation. She knew how badly you were hurt by this guy and to choose to date a known cheater over maintaining a friendship is simply foolish.
You need to decide if this is the type of friend you really need in your life. If you decide to keep the friendship going, you may want to keep a close eye on her intentions in the future. Most likely you will always have a trust issue with her from this point on. When your next boyfriend comes along, you will always wonder if she likes him more than she should or if she will go after him as well.
I personally feel that someone with such disregard for your feelings is not a true friend. If I were in your situation, I would consider this person a waste of space in my friend circle. I prefer to cut drama out off as soon as I see the sign that it is on the way and in your situation there is definitely potential for drama. However, everyone feels differently. So if you decide to continue with this person if your life, take my advice and keep your eyes wide open until she earns your trust back.
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