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Love at First Sight...or Lust?  

Sunday, January 25, 2009
Scenario: Do you believe in love at first site? I've been seeing this girl for like 3 weeks, I told her I love her and she didn't believe me.

Response: I personally cannot say I believe in love at first site. I do however believe there can be attraction and very strong chemistry between two people who have just met. But everyone is different, it really depends on the people involved. I'm going to get into reasons why this girl may not believe you love but first let's address love.

You need to understand that there are different types and levels of love. There is love for family, which levels can be different for your parents, siblings, extended family and your children. There is friendly love, where you love others but not romantically. There is romantic love, however just because you love your significant other does not mean you are in love with them. We've all probably heard the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line at least once in life. We hate it but it is truly how the person saying it feels.

Do you truly believe that you love this woman after 3 weeks of knowing her? Do you know about her to love her? Everything seems perfect in the beginning of any relationship but as time goes by you get to learn more about the person. If in 2 months you discover that she is not perfect are you going to dump her? Do you know her likes and dislikes, personal or family values, goals and dreams? Have you found all her little habits that annoy you? Believe me they will come!

If you do not take the time to know someone beyond the general date talk then you cannot possibly love the person. You love her laugh, smile, hair, eyes, and lips. You have some common interests. This is not love. It is lust, fondness or a plain old crush. Those feelings are easily confused with love. Anyway, let's get to some reasons she may not believe you love her at this point.

1. Why? Before you let your mouth form the words "I love you" you need to know your reasons for loving this person. She may be wondering why you love her so early in the relationship. What are you basing this love on? Being nice, funny and attractive for a few weeks is not enough.

2. Player! She may take your early declaration of love as a play boy move. Thoughts would be that you use the love line for all the girls to wrap them around your play boy finger.

3. Chemistry. You are attracted to each but have you connected on a deeper level yet? You have fun together but have you had real conversations about your past, present and future?

4. Emotional mess. Usually women are the first to say those words. Men do not usually express themselves so soon. So doing this usually signals us to think you may have some emotional baggage that makes you feel desperate for someone to love.

5. Definition. She may think that someone who loves her after a few movie and dinner date does not know what love is.

There are many things that could be going through her mind. But most importantly, just because you tell her you love her does not mean she feels the love. Also, she may say she doesn't believe you so the subject can be dropped. This is because she may not feel that way about you at this time. Timing is very important in relationships and you must try not to come on too strong. Let the relationship play itself out, pay attention to her vibes and you will know when the time is right for everything.
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