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Long Distance Love  

Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Scenario: My boyfriend moved from Sacramento to Chicago for 6 months for an internship which might turn into a job. It's been about 2 months since he left and it's been hard. I miss him so much and we end up fighting alot about cheating, money and a bunch of stupid little things. How are we supposed to make it through 4 more months of this? Or worse what if he moves there?

Response: Long distance relationships are harder than the average relationship, but they can work if you both really want it. Communication is the biggest part of a long distance relationship, followed by trust. The reason I say communication comes before trust is because you honestly cannot have trust without great communication. When there is lack of communication, you feel secrets are being kept, resulting in a trust issue. Lets dig into these two areas:

Communication - Long distance relationships require twice the amount of communication of average relationships because you are not spending the time most couples share together. You have to be able to share your daily lives and emotions through other avenues. Your partner is not there to read the expressions on your face to recognize if you are happy, sad or upset. Words are your biggest asset at this point. Communication is key.

Trust - If you have trust issues your long distance relationship will never work. It is hard enough living in the same city but now you have to completely trust your partner's actions. There are no friends to call and say they saw your partner with someone else. You are not there to give them the attention they need and you have to trust they are not betraying you, that they are finding ways to occupy their time that will not upset you. Hopefully you have already established a mutual trust before the distance was present because you will need even more trust now that you are apart.

Patience is also important because you will want to see your love as much as possible, you will miss them every day. However unless you are rich with no obligations it will not be possible to see each other as often as you'd like. Months may go by without a single visit. It gets sad and frustrating but you have to have patience and really make the time count when you do get together.

If you are fighting about cheating or suspicion of it then you have trust issues between you, insecurity that needs to be dealt with immediately. Money is something that you should try your best not to argue about. If you are not able to manage money together, try letting his finances be his business and your finances be your business. You are not married or living together so if you cannot handle it together then you each deal with your own finances, simple as that.

Arguing about little things? This sound like the petty thing many couples do out of mere frustration. If you are calling the issues you argue over little things then they are not important and should not result in an argument at all. Also, to answer your question regarding a possible move. Well, at that point you would need to decide if you wish to join him or stay where you are. Take into consideration your current obligations, goals and lifestyle. If not married or engaged, I personally would not move for a guy unless I had another personal reason. You want to make sure that if you move and things do not work you will not feel like you moved just for him, you had some other intention and will not regret the move.

You have to find ways to keep things fresh, show love and communicate. Get ready to upgrade your cellular phone plan and include unlimited text because your phone calls and text messages will increase. Email each other, attach photos and send e-cards. Try Skype, it is an awesome service and I believe it is still free. Skype is great because it allows you to see each other, it is like a video phone/chat. Make a dinner date where you both plan to sit and eat dinner at the same time while chatting on Skype. It will be like you're actually dining together.

Send flowers, care packages and letters. Make cute videos for each other and email them, upload them to a private server or share on YouTube or another free hosting site. If you have a microphone on your pc, make a recording of anything you want to say to your love, then burn to disc and mail it so they can listen to it. These are just ways to do something different, something other than just phone conversations. Also, printing photos and mailing them are great. Email is faster and cheaper however when someone is away, receiving mail and packages ca give them a sense of home. You have to remember that is hard for you but it may be harder for the person who is away, as they have left family, friends and normal surroundings.

Just remember to communicate, trust and be creative. Stay positive and try to keep things light and happy. Be there for each other in times of need. If you can make it through the distance until he gets home, your bond will be stronger than ever. I have been going through distance with my love for approximately 7 months and it is not easy but I think the distance has made our bond, trust & communication stronger. Our connection is actually stronger than most of the couples I know. If you are having problems after 2 months then you have work to do and you need to start it now. Good luck and please don't hesitate to ask more questions if necessary or update in a few months to let us know how it is going.
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